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Friday, March 4th, 2005
12:54 am - Been Gone

I am so sorry. I have been recovering from mono latly and i came back here and realized i havnt been here in forever.

But im back now. If anyone needs to talk, feel free to im me. Jessamyn143 on AIM.


current mood: depressed

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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
4:34 pm


Name: Lydia
location: Harrogate, England
diagnosis/feeling: Depression
favourite song: Nine inch nails - somewhat damaged
favourite color: Pink/Black
lyrics from a song that describe how you feel: "what have I become my sweetest friend? everyone I know goes away in the end" - nine inch nails - hurt
hobbies: drawing, going to gigs, going out & about.
most important thing to you: my friends, the one that are still friends with me...

current mood: thoughtful

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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
5:07 pm

Hey y'all! *waves some* ^_^;;

I've been a member of this here community for awhile now, but I've kinda been "lurking." I guess that'd be a good way to put it.

Okay, I really don't have much to update on. I mean, well... I really don't know why I'm here, talking to y'all now.

I just know that I wanted to stop by and see how y'all are doing. 'Cause I understand that as self-harmers, we tend to get stressed easily, and sometimes things don't always go our way.

On December 4th, I was taken to a mental health facility. The Sunday before that, I had seriously overdosed on my antidepressants and whatnot. My mom found out at the hospital (on the 4th) that I had been hurting myself again. She was pissed that I had lied to her about my scars; I simply explained to her that our cat had scratched me. At the hospital, I told them in all honesty that the cat had not scratched me. I had taken a razor to my skin.

Mom was really pissed at me that night. And knowing that I had upset her really made me reconsider myself. I mean, part of my problem is that I feel the need to make everyone happy. If people aren't happy with me, then they'll dislike me. Mom is the one person I hate to disappoint or piss off. I look up to her in so many ways, and I want so badly to be loved by her and for her to support me. Seeing that pain and anger in her eyes made me want to stop hurting myself. Because I hated letting her down.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is this:

Find someone who will love you despite your faults. Find someone who will get pissed because you're hurting yourself. Find someone who cares. Find someone you don't want to upset or disappoint. When you find that person you don't want to disappoint, you'll know. If you tell them that you self-harm, and you watch their eyes and see the pain they're feeling, that'll be your reason to stop.

Okay, I just realized I was kinda preaching. >_>;; I totally didn't mean to.

I'm finished.


current mood: blah

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Sunday, November 28th, 2004
3:53 pm

Name: Nicole aka Nikky
age: 15
location: Ottawa, Ontario
diagnosis/feeling: Major depression dissorder and well something else that makes me lose control of my mind... but not skitzo
favourite song: The ghost of you by My chemical romance
favourite color: black
lyrics from a song that describe how you feel:

Cut my life into pieces
I reach my last resort
suffacation, no breathing
don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
do you really care if I die pleeding?
for every moment that is right
will I take my life tonight?
chances are dynamite
mutilation outta site
And I'm contemplating suicide

hobbies: writting (poems), playing hockey...
most important thing to you: Myself

current mood: depressed

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Saturday, November 27th, 2004
11:27 pm

i promised my mom i would never cut again.

that's pretty big for me being that about 20 people asked me to promise that and the only person i would promise was my mom.

i don't break promises but this one might be a broken one except i'll start cutting on my hip and stomach that way no one willlll know.

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Thursday, November 25th, 2004
2:54 pm

Name: Liz
age: 15
location: Old Forge, NY
diagnosis/feeling: I was diagnosed with depression, GAD, insomnia and still getting tested for other things (I'm a compulsive worrier and I always feel guilty for no reason).
favourite song: The Bad Touch(bloodhound gang), Hey Montana(Eve6), Right Now (korn)
favourite color: green
lyrics from a song that describe how you feel: We are the pain
We are the shame
We've gone insane
Inside where no ones around

I am to blame, for everything
I like this game, that you all
make me play

hobbies: writing, singing, drawing, reading, researching/paracticing voice acting, researching religions.

most important thing to you: my family's approval, my friends, my future.

current mood: lazy

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Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
5:09 pm

Winter has really got me down at points,
I couldnt stop myself from this bleeding situation.

Anyone here with bipolar?,
Moodswings'r'us, bipolar_teens.

current mood: apathetic

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Saturday, November 20th, 2004
5:54 pm

They sent me to the hospital last night.
but they didn't keep me overnight.
thank god 'cause I think I would have gone crazy.

but my dad told me i have to go back everyday.
actually what he said when we got out of the hospital was, "i hope you like it in there, 'cause now we haveta find a way to get you there everyday."

i wish i could eat or sleep or even just cry or something but all i can do is just sit here.

i feel so helpless.

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Friday, November 19th, 2004
7:52 pm

Name: Emily
Age: 14
Location: New York.
Diagnosis/feeling: I'm sick right now and I really have a headache and I just feel bothered.
Favourite song: I don't really have a fav. song but here are some bands to tell you the kind of stuff I've been listening too lately. Brandnew, co&ca, Atreyu, A static lullaby, alexisonfire, matchbook romance, the bled, as I lay dying, hawthorne heights, the blood brothers.
Favourite color: green
Lyrics from a song that describe how you feel: If I could take your pain away, I would scream for you.I would bleed for you, So you'll never feel this way. Again when you're in my arms, I would scream for you, I will bleed for you.
Hobbies: guitar, poetry, lyrics.
Most important thing to you: friends/gary

Hello, I'm new here and Yes, I cut. I've been cutting for a year now and my body is basically a walking disaster. I have scars everywhere. Shoulders, wrists, legs, stomach, chest, etc. I want to help other people and I'd like help with myself too. The most recent cut I've made says "fuck you forever <3" on my upper arm shoulder area and I feel good about that.. ehh. Anyone can IM me anytime for help or anything or just to talk ( let it xxbleed) AIM. thank you <3

current mood: cold

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Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
4:10 pm

i carved 'do you know' into my arm. and i was really proud of myself.

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2:59 pm

i hate life...
I have a new bf: Jesse...
Hes good...
He has a stalker...
That is my stalker also...
I cant stand the girl...
shes 16 and she thinks her life is bad...
she has friends and parents who love her...
despite all the shit they put her through...
try stepping into my shoes...
try living life day to day...
with a stalker who tries to steal your bf...
yet calls you her 'friend'...
with parents who hate you & viseversa...
with friends who are friends only when its convient for them...
with school being miserable every damn day...
with life speeding by you in the fast lane...


current mood: drained

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Monday, November 15th, 2004
9:24 pm

god i hate my fuckin mom!!! shes always downing everything.... she asked how my boyfriend was.... bcuz hes in traingin right now before he goes to Iraq, and all she says is why r u so upset its not like ur going to marry him..HOW THE FUCK DO U KNOW BITCH is all i wanted to say...she doesnt understand i love him that he loves me we want to get married when he gets out of iraq...all she can do is down me never any yea theres a chance! so now im gonna sit and my room and cut, bcuz thats how i know how to deal its theonly way out..why do i like it so much...god i hate my life and if it wasnt for jonathon and my best friend Rachel i woulda fuckin been dead!~

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Sunday, November 14th, 2004
2:41 am - Maybe you feel the same..

One day im gonna let it all out.

The scars i never forget..

current mood: sad

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Saturday, November 13th, 2004
3:01 pm

Hey. Hm. Everything's been suprisingly good for me. I haven't felt the need to cut in a week or so. and the weird thing is everything in my life is everything's pretty much the same. i just learned to deal with it. i almost have a new hope for life.

So, how is everyone else doing?

current mood: grateful

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Saturday, November 6th, 2004
9:01 pm

Hey. I'm a newbie to the community, but I was once a cutter about a year ago, and I just recently (yesterday, actually) began hurting myself again. So... Yeah. Things haven't been going great for me. And I hate to whine about it. So, I won't. Unless of course you feel like listening. :D

Name: Jessica
age: 17
location: Georgia
diagnosis/feeling: Bipolar Disorder / my current feeling can best described as annoyance. I'm also feeling melancholyish and bad about myself
favourite song: "Open Arms" by Journey or "Cataclysm Children" by Dimmu Borgir
favourite color: Green
lyrics from a song that describe how you feel: "I still remember the ways that you touched me; now I know I don't mean anything to you." ~ Utada Hikaru
hobbies: reading and writing and being on the computer.
most important thing to you: Andrew <3 Even though we're over now. Blah. I still love him.

Lovely to meet everyone!!


current mood: crappy

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8:43 pm - ...cutting
onelast_touch Im so upset right now. I just want to cut, cause i know it will feel better afterwards. Im so angry with my mom she not leting me go out tonight, and i was really was looking forward, cause i haven't done anything in such a long time. And i ve been working on my textile project all day, and i was wanting to go out for a bit. Than beth calls me up to say that she doesn't really want to go cause shes already hanging out with nicole, which is fine, i don't care, she asked if i wanted to come over, and i would have gone...but stupid fucking mother wont let me. I don't want to be here right now, my brother is being such an asshole, my paretns are being stupid and mean to me. And theres an exacto blade right near me, and its soooo fucking tempting...
I wish i could just go back in time and change one thing, and it would make all the difference,and everyhting would be sooo much better than it is already.

current mood: crushed

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Sunday, November 7th, 2004
1:22 am

Name: Nicky
age: 14
location: Zaandam, The Netherlands
diagnosis/feeling: Depression, nothin' else jet, but i'm talking to a psychologist since last week :S
favourite song: Refelction-Mulan
favourite color: Black and Red
lyrics from a song that describe how you feel:
Look at me,You may think you see who i really am
But you'll never know me
Everyday its as if I play a part
Now i see if i wear a mask
I can fool the world but i cannot fool my heart

I am now in a world where i have to hide my heart
and what i believe in
but somehow i will show the world what's inside my heart
and be loved for who i am

hobbies: Hanging out with friends, being on the internet, girlscouts
most important thing to you: Trust,faith,friends

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Saturday, November 6th, 2004
12:25 am

I'm new. Hey.

Name: Courtney
Age: 15
Location: New Jersey
Diagnosis/feeling: As of right now I'm feeling kind of used. I help everyone with their problems and try to fix their lives just to realize that they only talk to me when they need something.
Favourite song: not applicable.
Favourite color: Blue
Lyrics from a song that describe how you feel: fifteens just seen such better days
Hobbies: eh.
Most important thing to you: friends

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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
10:35 pm

Tonight i was reunited with my good friend stainless.
I feel guilty for feeling better.
Now that the damage has been done.

I forgot how beautiful blood is..
So i did a deep one on my arm.

Fuck what people think.
They suck..

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12:20 pm

if anyone knows the show dr. phil...his show is going to be on SI tonight...the producer said its supose to be really good...if you get a chance check it out.

current mood: sick

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